Searching and Servitude

Just another weblog

oh, the humanity.


I need more humanity in my life. By this I mean, I need more of the world around me to have an awareness of the condition of being human.

I need to know that I’m not the only one screwing it up;

I’m not the only one getting things wrong;

I’m not the only one who doesn’t have all the answers, and when I do have answers, they probably aren’t even right.

I need more humanity in my life. I need less direction and less input about what I should think, what I should believe, what I should do.

I need more trust: that I am doing my very best, and that you are doing your very best, and yes – our very best may collectively suck, but it is our best at this moment. And can’t we just get a pat on the back for being 6 feet above the ground for another day?

I need more humanity in my life. I need more scarymommy blogs and pictures of messy homes with kitchen sinks filled to the brim with dirty dishes; laundry sitting in heaps unfolded; and children with spaghetti stains on their lips and hair seriously in need of a good shampoo. I need more confessions from the scared and the tired-of-trying.

I need more humanity in my life. I need more than a glossy front page Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition of bombshell size 16 beauty (not that this is not a glorious feat to celebrate, and holy bajesus, is she beautiful or what?). I need more Buzzfeed gals trying on Victoria’s Secret swimsuits, and more someecard memes about the empowerment of matching undergarments.

I need more humanity in my life. I need more of this, SO MUCH MORE OF THIS:


Anyway, I was feeling a little frustrated this morning at yet another lack of what I bring to the table, or a misunderstanding of what I believe (and very much therefore, who I am). And I hate those days. Sometimes they feel a little too close together.

They probably aren’t as close together as they feel. And I am working my ass off on making them farther apart.

But I’m probably part of the problem. I’d like to think that I’m not, but I certainly recognize that I myself can put on airs. I don’t mean to, but I can appreciate that my facebook posts or pictures or whatever else can mislead you to believe that I have it all together, when truthfully there are days I can’t wait to get back into bed and pull the covers over my head and block out the world.

So I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you should be more than you are today. And I just want you to know that the ugly, vulnerable, and rawness of humanity is good for us. We don’t have to set up camp in it, but we can acknowledge it and encourage one another in the midst of it.

We shouldn’t be afraid to be real.

We shouldn’t be afraid to be human.

It’s probably one of the best things about us, if we can go about it honestly.






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This entry was posted on February 17, 2016 by in Uncategorized.
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